August 20, 2002

The Secret Life of Zoey,” starring Mia Farrow, which debuted on Lifetime TV Monday night at 9:00 p.m., turned out not to be a Truly Great Awful Movie, or TGAM, as we had hoped, but only a Truly Awful Movie, or TAM.

Although Farrow’s performance was excellent, the film, as a whole, was surprisingly weak.

Ex-Brat-Packer Andrew McCarthy, appearing in a supporting role as a “psychiatric social worker,” was unbearably horrible and embarrassingly so, albeit appropriately condescending and smug as a know-it-all member of the “helping professions.”

And Julia Whelan, as the title character, Zoey, was simply awful.

Of course, just about any film featuring the “love and warmth” of the thoroughly misnamed helping professions is destined for failure.

These films are always a complete joke: We wait for the weak main character to succumb to the predetermined, resolve-all solution: a “12-Step Group,” the kind of monthly, weekly, or even daily meeting where one addiction is exchanged for another, where “victims” of “addiction” present “insights” for their peers’ applause, and everyone in charge pretends to know more about the participants than the participants themselves.

Enough, already.


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