July 29, 2003
THE PATRON SAINT OF THROATS


Okay, so I’m on the phone this afternoon speaking with my cousin’s mother’s sister’s daughter -- who happens, circuitously, to be my sister -- about my father’s niece’s husband’s mother-in-law -- who is, well, my aunt -- about said aunt and her recent problems with her throat.


I mentioned to my cousin’s mother’s sister’s daughter, i.e., my sister, that I had told my father’s niece’s husband’s mother-in-law, i.e., my aunt, that she, my father’s niece’s husband’s mother-in-law, i.e., my aunt, should seek the intercession of the patron saint of throats.


Unfortunately, while speaking with my father’s niece’s husband’s mother-in-law, i.e., my aunt, I could not recall which saint was the patron of healthy throats.


In relaying this to my cousin’s mother’s sister’s daughter, i.e.

/i>, my sister, she, my cousin’s mother’s sister’s daughter, i.e., my sister, interrupted me. “St. Blaise,” she said, matter-of-factly.


“Oh my God, you’re right,” I responded. “How in the world did you know that?” I asked.


To which my cousin’s mother’s sister’s daughter, i.e., my sister, responded: “Don’t you remember the annual ‘blessing of the throats’ when we were in school?”


Uh . . . no. I think I missed that. We switched out of parochial schools after I finished first grade.


God, what a great culture.


[Note to readers: If, after reading this, you’re not “rolling around on the floor laughing your ass off,” as they say, don’t worry. This entire post is based on a hilarious inside joke that I would love to share with you privately some day.]

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