Yesterday I gave |||trr||| readers a little quiz asking them when they might have expected to be paid for the work they performed for an employer in January 2003 assuming they had been told the company's policy was to pay employees once a month on the first of the month for work performed during the preceding month, assuming the employee had established a direct-deposit relationship several months prior to the pay day under consideration and given that February 1, 2003 fell on a Saturday.
I tried to keep the quiz relatively painless by posing the question in a multiple-choice format, offering five possible answers labeled A through E, with the suggested paydays ranging from Friday, January 31, 2003 through Tuesday, February 4, 2003.
Now for the results.
The "correct" answer to yesterday's quiz, at least according to my employer, is "E": Tuesday, February 4, 2003.
Did you get it wrong?
So did I! Or at least I would have had I merely been taking the quiz and not living its circumstances from day to day.
You see, I would have selected "A": Friday, January 31, 2003.
Stupid me. Stupid, stupid me.
I've come to learn that when my employer says employees are paid on "the first of the month" what they really mean -- if you ask them -- is that employees are paid on "the first business day of the month," which, in the case of February 2003, is not Saturday, February 1, but Monday, February 3.
Hey, news to me!
And so I learned that all of my past experience -- anticipating payment on "the first of the month" meant the first of the month, and, when "the first of the month" fell on a weekend, that payday would shift to the first prior weekday -- was groundless in my present circumstances.
And this policy, i.e., not moving the payday into January, I've been told, "is firm," because "if the checks are authorized before the first of the month it affects the bank statements in a way that's too confusing."
Uh-huh. So now I learn I'm working for a company at which the accountants find a typical monthly checking account statement to be "too confusing"? Great. I can't wait to see what these numbskulls do with my tax forms.
"But," you ask, "why Tuesday, February 4? If your employer pays on the first business day of the subsequent month why weren't you paid on Monday, February 3?"
I'm so glad you asked!
You see, when they say -- but only after you ask -- that employees are paid on "the first business day of the subsequent month," what they mean is that "the first business day of the subsequent month" is the date on which they "aim" to pay employees.
However, they add, again only after you ask, depending upon the situation in the payroll department -- situations about which they are decidedly vague -- employees might not be paid until the second business day of the month, which, in the case of February 2003, is Tuesday, February 4.
Thus, employees of my employer who expected to be paid for the work they performed for the company in January 2003 on February 1, 2003, the first calendar day of the subsequent month, or, God forbid, those greedy ones, like me, on January 31, 2003, the first business day preceding the first calendar day of the subsequent month, or even on February 3, 2003, the first business day of the month, had no right to expect to have been paid, assuming, of course, they asked the right questions to the right people -- until February 4, 2003.
Just one more question, I promise!
Can you guess at which time of day on said date, February 4, 2003, my employer's employees were paid? That is, at the beginning of the day or at the close of business, in other words, after 5:00 p.m. Eastern time?
If you guessed at the end of the day and, better yet, were thoroughly unfazed by the implications of this decision and all of those discussed above upon the company's employees -- and cared not one bit about their complaints thereon -- you should consider a new career in human resources, payroll accounting, or management.
And when, after adopting this new career path, you learn that all of the company's employees look down upon you with revulsion and disgust, don't blame me. You brought this upon yourself with your own stupidity. No worry, though: that same stupidity will mark you as a stellar employee in any of those departments.
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