I’m tempted to make a joke about Saddam Hussein’s declared passion for Doritos, one of only a handful of popular salty snacks that rely on monosodium glutamate for their unique taste, but I fear I would then open myself up to mockery for some of my own rather embarrassing and completely un-chic favorite foods, including Underwood Deviled Chicken and Ham, Mary Kitchen Roast Beef and Corned Beef Hash, Cool Whip, Tater Tots, and that chocolate refrigerator cake my mother used to make.
[Post-publication addendum (June 23): Reader L.M. writes:
Did you know that there is chocolate Cool Whip?! One of the pleasures of going back to Ohio, the land of grocery stores the size of airplane hangars, is standing in the frozen-food aisle and gazing upon the multitude of new frozen foods. Cool Whip alone takes up an entire section!
At the moment the M kitchen contains:
One can Underwood Deviled Ham: I’ve never tried it, but once a year D spreads it on some crackers. Ritz crackers. Not Carr’s Water Crackers. Ritz.
One can Mary Kitchen Roast Beef Hash: To be topped with poached eggs when the mood strikes.
Tater Tots: Half a bag, the other half enjoyed with Gorton’s Fish Sticks.
Chocolate cookies: The kind that you layer with freshly whipped cream and turn into the chocolate refrigerator cake my mother used to make. [Ed.: An aside: L.M.’s mother is my mother’s sister. Sometimes you just can’t shake it off.] For Euchre club. For women who arrived wearing shoes that matched their handbags. After a round of Manhattans, 7&7s, or rye and ginger.
Sure, there’s also fresh cilantro, salmon fillets, and a baguette. [Ed.: L.M. lives in New York. City.] But there just might be Jell-O chocolate pudding. [Ed.: Note “allergy alert” at link.]
P.S. I hope Saddam Hussein has some nice fresh white underwear to wipe the Dorito detritus off his fingers. It can be embarrassing for megalomaniacal dictators to have orange fingers during their interrogations.
Gotta luv that.]