It took me a while, I’ll admit, but I have learned that “Philly guys,” a demographic that encompasses teenagers, young men, the middle-aged, and beyond, regardless of whether they’re gay, straight, or whatever, really, really want to keep their new white tennis shoes, well, really, really, white.
To me this is very strange. Inexplicable. Bizarre.
I say that as one who has neither purchased nor worn a pair of white tennis shoes in nearly 20 years, and as one who believes that wearing white tennis shoes with blue jeans is among the worst of all conceivable errors.
Moreover, as one who did in the distant past buy white tennis shoes -- when I was actually playing tennis actively and seriously, I preferred Adidas Stan Smiths (long since updated) -- the first and foremost task upon purchasing these shoes, both for me and among my friends, was . . . to get them dirty.
Adidas Stan Smiths
Not necessarily obscenely filthy -- that surely would come with time -- but at least a bit scruffy, dusty, marred . . . imperfect. I can’t imagine thinking anything else, then or now.
The unique take of Philly guys on this issue was brought home to me in no uncertain terms when, a few weeks ago, I ventured out to meet a new friend for a few drinks. Not once, not twice, not three times, but four times, my friend D.M. berated me for allowing my feet, shod that night as they often are, by Adidas Sambas, to brush up against his gleaming white K-Swiss shoes, each contact being, I assure you, entirely accidental and devoid of deeper meaning or significance.
Adidas Sambas
D.M. that night at first was simply irritated, then annoyed, then outright angry and hostile about my egregious faux pas. I swear, after the fourth accidental brushing of our shoes D.M. either was going to cry, or try to punch me out, and or call me names or something.
And so, tired of his fussiness, I did the only thing I could think to do under the circumstances: I left. And I never turned back.
Let me assure you: D.M.’s fixation on the unnecessary brightness of his cherished footwear is widely shared among men in Philadelphia, particularly those who were raised in the Northeast or in South Philly.
I suppose I may someday adjust my expectations accordingly. But for me, for now at least, this is yet another of the ever-growing list of date-killers: Obsessing about how white one’s tennis shoes are and can conceivably continue to be.
A Weekly TRR Feature
In Sunday’s edition of the Philadelphia Inquirer: architectural critic Inga Saffron reviews the spanking new footbal stadium, Lincoln Financial Field; Larry Eichel sets the stage, so to speak, for the Linc’s debut: tonight’s soccer match between Manchester United and FC Barcelona; Philadelphia’s murder rate is again on the rise; an editorial on gay marriage; an outbreak of ethnic tolerance in Kosovo; more about that despicable Israeli fence; President George W. Bush, “in fine health,” heads to the ranch for another vacation, and many see ample brush cutting in his immediate future; recently announced closings of underperforming Lord & Taylor stores sparks still more fretting over the future of the department store (L&T, though, is technically a “specialty retailer,” not a “traditional department store”); an editorial about Philadelphia’s jewel, Fairmount Park, along with favorite park memories and still more Fairmount Park memories; and last but not least: in praise, I think, of mullets.
Jennifer Weiner
Okay, so it’s not scripture. It’s “just” In Her Shoes, the latest worldwide best-selling novel by Philadelphia author, mother, and blogger, Jennifer Weiner (of SnarkSpot), who happens, by the way, to be married to Philadelphia attorney (no, not the creepy one) and blogger Adam Bonin, of Throwing Things (who I hope will pass me his incredibly well situated seats in the Linc in the extremely unlikely event he finds himself bereft of other takers on a given Sunday).
Weiner will be reading from In Her Shoes at Borders Books & Music, Broad and Chestnut Streets, Philadelphia, on Tuesday, August 5, at 6:00 p.m.
Be there. I will.
Either way: Buy the book!
[Note: This post was published earlier today at The Rittenhouse Review.]