TRR: The Lighter Side of Rittenhouse |
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The Lighter Side of The Rittenhouse Review, with a slice of Philadelphia just for the heck of it. 
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August 20, 2002
“The U.S. is now mainly governed by men in their mid-50s, i.e. the Vietnam generation,” writes Matthew Engel in The Guardian, “except that this lot missed being the Vietnam generation. The enterprisingly original New Hampshire Gazette maintains a ‘Chickenhawks’ database to tell their stories.”
Engel’s essay hits its “high-ney” note with this, um, “hole-ly” entertaining “The best story concerns Rush Limbaugh, the ferociously bellicose radio personality, who allegedly had either ‘anal cysts’ or an ‘ingrown hair follicle on his bottom.’ It is not my custom to mock others’ ailments, but anyone who has listened to Limbaugh’s programme [sic] can imagine the dripping scorn he would bring to the revelation that a prominent Democrat had skipped a war over something like that. Also, in his case, a pain in the arse [sic] is peculiarly appropriate.”
 Wonder if it Hurts to Sit Down I wonder why skateboarders can’t comprehend why they’re so unpopular with many of their fellow citizens and why any attempt to restrain their excesses is treated as an assault on the Declaration of Independence.
Speaking for myself, there’s something discomforting about dodging reckless sidewalk skateboarders whether one is walking down Seventh Ave., Walnut St., or Pennsylvania Ave., particularly when the aim of the game seems to be to ride as close as possible to ambling pedestrians. “The Secret Life of Zoey,” starring Mia Farrow, which debuted on Lifetime TV Monday night at 9:00 p.m., turned out not to be a Truly Great Awful Movie, or TGAM, as we had hoped, but only a Truly Awful Movie, or TAM. Although Farrow’s performance was excellent, the film, as a whole, was surprisingly weak. Ex-Brat-Packer Andrew McCarthy, appearing in a supporting role as a “psychiatric social worker,” was unbearably horrible and embarrassingly so, albeit appropriately condescending and smug as a know-it-all member of the “helping professions.” And Julia Whelan, as the title character, Zoey, was simply awful. Of course, just about any film featuring the “love and warmth” of the thoroughly misnamed helping professions is destined for failure. These films are always a complete joke: We wait for the weak main character to succumb to the predetermined, resolve-all solution: a “12-Step Group,” the kind of monthly, weekly, or even daily meeting where one addiction is exchanged for another, where “victims” of “addiction” present “insights” for their peers’ applause, and everyone in charge pretends to know more about the participants than the participants themselves.
Enough, already. August 18, 2002
Yes, I’m a little biased because I own one, but English Bulldogs, without doubt, are the best dogs in the world.
 Two Beauties This isn’t my dog, but this is very much what she looked like as a puppy:
 Cute or what? August 17, 2002
I don’t know why this popped into my head tonight. Twenty-three years ago: Aunt Sarah: “So have you got a girl?” Me, then: “No.”
Me, now, though she’s long since passed away: “No.” The beauty of these three verses matters not one whit the language in which one reads them: Katsokaa, kuinka suurta rakkautta Isä on meille osoittanut: me olemme saaneet Jumalan lapsen nimen, ja hänen lapsiaan me myös olemme. Tästä syystä maailma ei meitä tunne, eihän se tunne häntäkään. Rakkaat ystävät, jo nyt me olemme Jumalan lapsia, mutta vielä ei ole käynyt ilmi, mitä meistä tulee. Sen me tiedämme, että kun se käy ilmi, meistä tulee hänen kaltaisiaan, sillä me saamme nähdä hänet sellaisena kuin hän on. Jokainen, joka näin panee toivonsa häneen, pitää itsensä puhtaana, niin kuin hän on puhdas ja pyhä.
(I John 3:1-3. In Finnish.) Still One of the Great Ones Readers will find a quirky but admiring tribute to one of the best actresses of all time, Patricia Neal, in the latest issue of the New York Observer, “A Different Breed of Celebrity,” by Ronda Kaysen. Kaysen is an usher at the Gramercy Theater, where celebrities apparently expect, and get, special treatment, including the best seats in the house, on a recent night was told by an excited colleague, “Patricia Neal needs to be reseated.” “I didn’t know who Patricia Neal was, but I didn’t let on,” writes Kaysen. “I can recognize Reese Witherspoon when I see her, and Laura Linney’s not too hard to pick out of a crowd, either. If I don’t recognize the celebrity, usually the name rings a bell. I know I’m supposed to know who they are,” she continues. “But Patricia Neal meant nothing to me. My only excuse is that I’m 25 -- I was born after her career had come and gone. . . . And then she came into the lobby herself. . . . But I still didn’t recognize her,” Kaysen notes. Neal, who of all celebrities deserves a good seat, got one. Kaysen humbly adds, “It wasn’t until later that evening, after I took the train home and searched for her name on the Internet, that I knew the full extent of my gaffe.” We’re not sure it was a gaffe, but we can understand Kaysen’s embarrassment. As Kaysen sums it up: “Patricia Neal was an Academy Award-winning actress, Gary Cooper’s mistress and Roald Dahl’s wife. She was the husky-voiced seductress who starred opposite Paul Newman in ‘Hud.’” And more. To this list of accomplishments (and that’s the right word: judging by the historical record, being married to Dahl was no picnic), we would add that Neal, with the help of Cooper and director King Vidor turned Ayn Rand’s tiresome, overwrought, and sophomoric novel, ‘The Fountainhead,’ into an on-screen masterpiece.
 Patricia Neal And Neal’s has been a life full of tragedy, one that puts to shame the whiney complaints of so many contemporary actors and actresses. “Her 6-month-old son was struck by a car while in his stroller, then she lost a 7-year-old daughter to measles,” writes Kaysen. “Three years later, she suffered a series of massive strokes at the age of 39. Reported dead in Variety, she clung to life in a hospital bed -- three months pregnant. She went on to be a leading force for stroke victims, founding the Patricia Neal Rehabilitation Center, the first of its kind in the country.” ”Perhaps even more impressive,” adds Kaysen, “she went back to acting, and received an Academy Award nomination for her role in ‘The Subject Was Roses.’ In short, Patricia Neal wasn’t just a celebrity . . . she was someone who’d overcome real adversity and made a significant contribution to the world.” [Emphasis added.]
Indeed. “That’s it. We’re just predictable knee jerks. Who needs to know more?” -- Kathryn Jean Lopez, executive editor, National Review Online.
Exactly. Be sure to visit Ground Zero Theme Park, a project of Todd Hulin.
For more information about the park, pay a visit to the New York Observer and read “The Grinch of Ground Zero.” [Ed.: Second story.] August 14, 2002
August 13, 2002
My nomination for the best beach-reading book ever published: When She Was Bad: The Story of Bess, Hortense, Sukhreet and Nancy, by Shana Alexander. The book is aptly described by its publisher:
“In 1945 Bess Myerson made headlines as Miss America. In 1988 she made them again as the star in one of New York City’s seamiest political corruption trials, the ‘Bess Mess.’ The still-beautiful Bess was charged with conspiracy to influence Hortense Gabel . . . the judge in her lover’s divorce case. Bess’s lover, the much younger Andy Capasso, ended up in prison. Bess and the judge were acquitted. But not before Bess Myerson’s scandalous private life became front-page news.” Also featured prominently in this tale: the unforgettable and inimitable Sukhreet Gabel, the judge’s daughter, and Nancy Capasso, Andy’s wife. Originally published in hardcover by Random House in 1990, the book was reprinted as a mass-market paperback by Dell Publishing in 1991. Sadly, both volumes are out of print, though the paperback is held under lock-and-key in the library of The Rittenhouse Review. Your late-summer project: Visit the used bookstores in your favorite beach resort town or country-cottage village and find a copy of this book. There are plenty of used copies for sale on the web at sites including Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Buy.com, Half.com, Powell’s, and Alibris.
You will thank me. I’m certain of it. Rare is the beach book that will make you glad you skipped Saturday evening happy hour.
I just got mooned by my two-year-old nephew!? And it was a real, honest-to-God mooning, not a random event, not a cute happenstance. He asked for some candy and I said, sure, after he ate his pears he could have candy. Hearing that, he turned around and mooned me. August 12, 2002
There is a fine line between truly awful movies and truly great awful movies. Defining that line is more a matter of art than science, and, of course, is a very subjective form of analysis. However, before alerting you to the upcoming movie we think everyone with the right sensibility will enjoy, I’ll provide some examples of each genre. Truly Awful Movies: “Amadeus,” “Cocktail,” “Dances with Wolves,” “Dead Poets Society,” “Exit to Eden,” “Grease,” “Ishtar,” “Longtime Companion,” “Mystic Pizza,” “Spice World,” “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” “The Thin Red Line,” “The Waterboy,” “The Wiz,” “Waterworld,” and “Xanadu.” (Just a sampling, I assure you.) Truly Great Awful Movies, a/k/a TGAMs: “Airplane,” “Airplane 2,” “Caligula,” “Dick Tracy,” “Homecoming,” “Mermaids,” “Mommie Dearest,” “Not Without My Daughter,” “Parenthood,” “Showgirls,” “The Exorcist,” “The Perfect Mother,” “The Poseiden Adventure,” “The Stepford Wives,” “Trog,” and “Valley of the Dolls.” (Again, just a sampling, I assure you.) I’m constantly searching for the latter, which are among my favorite guilty pleasures. These days the best places to find TGAMs with reliability are on basic cable, normally on the high end of “double-digit land.” Such networks as Lifetime, TBS, TNT, and USA Networks are treasure troves of the genre. Imagine then the eagerness with which I await “The Secret Life of Zoey,” premiering August 19 on Lifetime. Already the film appears to be a very promising candidate for joining the growing ranks of TGAMs. The synopsis of the film reads: “‘The Secret Life of Zoey’ explores a very real drug problem among today's teens: the abuse of prescription drugs. Marcia Carter (Mia Farrow) discovers that her ‘perfect’ daughter, Zoey (Julia Whelan), has been stealing prescription pills out of her medicine cabinet. Marcia, a time-strapped divorcée, must help her unhappy, troubled daughter overcome her growing addiction, and so she enlists the help of a psychiatric social worker (Andrew McCarthy). Can a guilt-ridden Marcia help her daughter with a tough-love approach? Is Zoey ready to kick her habit? This riveting drama gives viewers a glimpse of the long, uphill path to recovery for teen addicts and their parents.” Granted, the story line and the cast lack the “camp” value normally associated with the top ranks of TGAMs, but Lifetime more than redeems itself with the deliciously ironic promotional line employed in the commercials that have been running on the network for the past several weeks. Referring to Mia Farrow’s character, the voice-over announcer says: “She thought she knew everything about her daughter. Until she learned the deadly truth.”
Okay, “deadly” is a bit strong (“awful” would have worked better), but doesn’t this remark hit just a little too close to home for Miss Farrow’s comfort? Sadly, we have learned that Enos Slaughter passed away early this morning at a hospital in Durham, N.C.
The world has lost a great baseball player and the man whose given name was a godsend to crossword puzzle writers everywhere. August 11, 2002
Yes . . . I know. I’m probably the last person in America to have received the e-mail message republished below. Nonetheless, I thought it was interesting and since this is my site, I’ll do what I want to. And I’ll add my own comments as well! Did you know . . . ? Butterflies taste with their feet. [So? What’s to taste? Rotting leaves?] A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why. [I don’t know about this. That damned AFLAC duck’s quack is echoing through my brain as I write this.] In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world’s nuclear weapons combined. [Yes, but nuclear weapons aren’t aimed at trailer parks.] On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. [Mr. Nader, call your office.] Ninety percent of New York City cab drivers are recently arrived immigrants. [Tell me about it!] Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. [Tell me about it!] Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump. [Thank God.] Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. [I hope I’m not one of them.] It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs . . . but not downstairs. [Reminds me of my Bulldog.] Women blink nearly twice as much as men. [All that crying, no doubt.] It’s physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. [Oh yeah? . . . Oh . . . yeah.] The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of the books that would occupy the building. [Figures . . . Hoosiers.] A snail can sleep for three years. [Big deal. So can I.] No word in the English language rhymes with “month.” [Of interest only to tortured female adolescents writing bad poetry, much of which ends up in small Midwestern literary reviews because no one can tell a good poem from a bad poem anymore.] Or “orange.” [Ditto.] Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. [No kidding. Ever seen a photo of Abe Vigoda?] The electric chair was invented by a dentist. [Yes, and the dentist’s drill was invented by Dr. Mengele.] All polar bears are left-handed. [Not a single switch-hitter in the bunch, huh?] In ancient Egypt, priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. [I guess they didn’t have to spend much time hearing confessions.] An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. [Can’t the same be said of President Bush?] “Typewriter” is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. [Cool, but that still doesn’t justify the stupid placement of all of the keys.] “Go,” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. [And the name of one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.] If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. [And I would still be intimidated by her.] A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. [Does it really matter?] Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. [Each or collectively?]
Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick his elbow. [I don’t think so. Not my readers.] August 10, 2002
The best sentence from a very good article about the new suburbanites by David Brooks in the latest issue of the Weekly Standard, “Patio Man and the Sprawl People”:
“Patio Man notes somewhat uncomfortably that in America today the average square yardage of boys’ fashion grows and grows while the square inches in the girls’ outfits shrink and shrink, so that while the boys look like tent-wearing skateboarders, the girls look like preppy prostitutes.”
Why is it that every time I hear or read Stephanie Zimbalist’s name I feel compelled to add “Jr.” to the end of it? As in, Stephanie Zimbalist Jr. Jonathan Chait has a terrific piece in the latest issue of the New Republic, about the “First State,” also known as the “Diamond State,” also known as Delaware, and what should more appropriately be called the “Piece of Crap State.”
 Delaware
And I say that not only because my psychotic, selfish, self-centered ex went to some crummy college there (after pretty much getting kicked out of another school), but because the place really is an ugly dump from one end to the other. August 07, 2002
I’ve shared “The Stinkymeat Project” with at least a dozen friends and family members and not one of them has found it amusing. And yet every time I read it, I’m on the floor laughing out loud and gasping for air. Stop by a take a look. This guy’s hilarious. A genius, really. If you think it’s funny, or even if you don’t, drop me a line and let me know whether or not I’m insane. Here is scientist Mahlon Smith’s description of the Stinky Meat Project:
”Here’s what happened when I took 3 kinds of meat, 19 days, and 1,000,000 maggots, and stuck them in the yard of my unwitting neighbor. Of course, the neighbor eventually found the meat in his yard. Fortunately, I wasn't arrested -- so I am free to do it all over again. Stay tuned. Middle of August: The revenge of stinkymeat.”
 Photographic Record on Day 4 of the 19 Days of the Stinkymeat Project Bonnie Fuller’s “reign of terror” apparently continues unabated at US Weekly, the scrappy competitor of People, the most profitable magazine in the country. The masthead continues to drop names at a rate of three a week, according to yet another article about the magazine in today’s New York Post, and staffers are continuing to gripe about the late nights demanded by Fuller’s intense yet haphazard management style.
 US Weekly Editor Bonnie Fuller
I’m getting tired of this never-ending “misery at US Weekly” story. Buck up, folks. Fuller is getting the job done and things could be worse. I know dozens of people in the magazine business who are either unemployed, underemployed, or misemployed, and have been for a year or longer. Look at this weather forecast for Helsinki!
 Helsinki, Finland
I am definitely living in the wrong country. August 06, 2002
This just in from the daily e-mail blast distributed by the kind people at “Larry King Live”: “Joe Esposito -- ‘the King’s’ closest friend saw it all -- from the addictions, divorce and eventually his death. Tune in for intimate stories about the King of Graceland. “Join Larry tonight at 9 p.m. EST as Joe shares private memories and personal pictures as we remember the REAL Elvis.”
That’s Larry King for you. Always right there with the people you want to hear from the most. The congenitally criminal Bush administration is preparing for an undeclared war on Iraq and King’s spending an hour talking about perpetual loser Elvis Presley, his drug problems, his divorce (King is an expert on this topic), and his pathetic death.
Come on! The guy’s been dead longer than most of King’s wives have been alive. Can we move on please? Okay, so how pretentious is this crap?
 And we thought only lesbians threw clay. August 05, 2002
Look at this bunch of nobodies! All collected in one place!
Nigel Ashford I’m willing to cut slack for Jonathan Rauch, because I think he’s an excellent writer who actually does think for himself, and for Bruce Bawer, because even though I sometimes disagree with him, Bawer is the most genuine intellectual of the lot. But that’s as far as I’ll go with this sorry gang.
Just one question. Where is Tammy Bruce? Too independent or too embarrassing? August 04, 2002
Ashley Blazer Biden, 21-year-old daughter of Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del.), was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of obstructing a police officer early yesterday. PART 3
If you want something done right, do it yourself. If you want something done wrong, take it to Philadelphia. August 02, 2002
Who thought this was a good idea?
 Ore-Ida Funky Fries. Note especially the Kool Blue version. PART 2
If you want something done right, do it yourself. If you want something done wrong, take it to Philadelphia. PART 1
If you want something done right, do it yourself. If you want something done wrong, take it to Philadelphia. July 30, 2002
I’m not in the habit of recommending software. In fact, I’m not in the habit of knowing anything about software.
But I highly recommend AdSubtract Pro. Look into it. Program: “The Golden Girls” The Scene: Blanche Devereaux (played by Rue McClanahan) is having difficulty writing her first novel. Blanche, having holed up in her bedroom for most of the day, greets her three roommates, including 80-something Sophia Petrillo (played by Estelle Getty), who are barbequing on the linai in the early evening. The Dialogue: Blanche: “Oh, girls! I have writer’s block! It’s the worst feeling in the world!” Sophia: “Try going ten days without a bowel movement some time.”
 Estelle Getty as Sophia Petrillo Blanche: “It’s the worst feeling in the world. You just sit there and sit there, and nothing comes.”
Sophia: “Tell me about it!” July 29, 2002
I was happy to learn today, probably several months after the fact, that Blair continues to be published -- albeit as irregularly in the past -- with Blair 7: The Fantasy Issue on line right now. The sporadic publication schedule is worth enduring for some of the best and most offbeat humor on the web. Years ago, Blair became famous in the gay community, and elsewhere of course, for two games still available in back issues: “Gay or Eurotrash?” and “Dyke or German Lady?”
Blair 7 includes an article that not only will make you laugh, but will answer all those questions about International Male that have been nagging at you for the last 10 or 20 years.
Why am I not surprised to learn Jonah Goldberg has a frequent-buyer card at the Android’s Dungeon? July 28, 2002
Who wouldn’t love Todd Oldham? He’s talented, smart, fun, funny, sweet, and cute, and he’s been missed . . . badly.
 Todd Oldham Although he has been working steadily on various projects over the years, Oldham’s profile, for a variety of reasons, has waned in recent years. But now, it looks like Todd Oldham is back in a big way, with his own line of household designs at Target stores and at Target online. The current collection is geared toward the “back-to-school” shopper. Much of it is bolder and brighter than that toward which I gravitate -- being a black-white-gray-navy-beige solids kind of guy -- but it’s original, inspired, and very cool. Take a look. And by the way, my mother is still crazy about Oldham’s signature perfume.
 Todd Oldham Fragrance I’m not an attorney but Ron Borges of the Boston Globe and NBC Sports seems to be veering pretty damn close to libel when he says Lance Armstrong isn’t an athlete.
 Lance Armstrong “Someone postulated on National Public Radio a week or so ago that Lance Armstrong was the greatest athlete in the world. Greatest athlete in the world? I wonder if he’s an athlete at all,” writes Borges. Is this some kind of joke? A desperate ploy for attention? Here’s just a small taste of Borges’s idiotic observations: "Athletes, for my money, must do more with their bodies than pump their legs up and down. If that’s all it took, the Radio City Rockettes would have to be considered the greatest athletes of all time."
Stop by the excellent weblog, Cooped-Up for a devastating critique of Borges and his spiteful and bilious views. And then follow the link to Borges if you think you can stand it. July 28, 2002 HOLIDAYS & CELEBRATIONS . . . Black Crom’s Sunday, a/k/a “Domnach Crom Dubh,” a Christianized pagan holiday commemorated by pilgrimages to Croagh Patrick in County Mayo. Celebrated in Ireland, primarily western Ireland. Ch’ilsok, commemorated by offering newly harvested rice and prayers for children at local shrines. Celebrated in Korea. Feast of St. Victor I, a controversial early Pope perhaps best known for condemning the heresy of Theodotus and martyred near the end of the second century. Celebrated in the Catholic Church.
 Pope St. Victor I Nag Panchami, the Festival of Cobras and Snakes. Celebrated by Hindus worldwide. Peruvian Independence Day. Commemorating the declaration of independence by Peru in 1821. Celebrated in Peru. IN HISTORY . . . King Henry VIII marries his fifth wife, Catherine Howard, in 1540.
 Catherine Howard The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is ratified, in 1868. World War I begins when Austria-Hungary declares war on Serbia, in 1914. BORN TODAY . . . Bill Bradley, basketball player, U.S. senator, and presidential candidate, in 1943. Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, former First Lady as wife of President John F. Kennedy Jr., in 1929. Beatrix Potter, author, in 1866. Sally Struthers, actress, in 1948. DIED TODAY . . . Johannes Sebastian Bach, composer, in 1750. Joan Finney, first female governor of Kansas, in 2001.
 Joan Finney William James Mayo, founder of the Mayo Clinic, in 1939.
Antonio Vivaldi, composer and violinist, in 1741. July 27, 2002
July 27, 2002 Holidays and Celebrations . . . Asalha Puja, celebrating Buddha’s conception, first preaching, and renunciation. Celebrated in Thailand.  Buddha Feasts of Sts. Aurelius and Natalia, commemorating the martyrdom of St. Aurelius, who was secretly raised as a Christian during the Moorish occupation of Spain and later married a half-Moorish woman named Sabigotho, who changed her name to Natalia, and his wife, the same, now known as St. Natalia. Both were beheaded on this date in 852 for openly practicing Christianity. St. Aurelius is the patron saint of orphans, St. Natalia of converts and martyrs. Celebrated in the Catholic Church.
 St. Natalia Independence Day, in Belarus.
 Flag of Belarus Jose Barbosa Day, commemorating the birth in 1857 of the physician and patriot. Celebrated in Puerto Rico.
Procession of the Witches, in Beselara, Belgium. Today in history . . . The armistice ending the Korean War signed in 1953. Bugs Bunny debuted in “A Wild Hare” in 1940.
 Bugs Bunny in “A Wild Hare” Born today . . . Alexandre Dumas, in 1824. Peggy Fleming, in 1948.
 Peggy Fleming Maureen McGovern, in 1949. Died today . . . Shah Mohammed Reza Pahlavi of Iran, in 1980.
 Shah Reza Pahlavi William Wyler, in 1981.
Reggie Lewis, in 1993. July 26, 2002
How did I miss out on this guy over the years? As you all know by now, Rep. James A. “Jim” Traficant (D-Ohio) was expelled from the U.S. House of Representatives this week for ethics violations after he was convicted in April on charges of bribery, tax evasion, and racketeering.
 James A. Traficant The Washington Post has a collection of quotes from the former congressman the paper describes as “colorful.” Colorful? That’s an understatement. Here’s a lovely quote:
“If you don’t get those cameras out of my face, I’m gonna go 8.6 on the Richter scale with gastric emissions that’ll clear this room!”
That was Traficant berating photographers covering the ethics subcommittee hearing regarding his criminal record. Share that with your mother tonight. Enough already with the pleas for assistance from what appear to be Congolese thugs or kleptocrats or whatever. Geez, I accidentally opened one of these e-mails and now they’re coming in at a rate of at least a dozen a day. I can barely make sense out of them anyway:
“We would please need you to stand on our behalf as the beneficiary of this fund in Europe. This is because we are under restricted movement and watch and hence we want to be very carefull in other not to lose this fund which we have worked so hard for. Thus, if you are willing to assist us move this fund out of Congo, you can contact me through my email address, Tel/Fax nos. above with your telephone, fax number and personal information to enable us discuss the modalities and what will be your share (percentage) for assisting us.” Tempting, eh?
I’m sure there’s an article out there explaining this phenomenon, but I’m too irritated to look for it. Everybody’s a Comedian Madeleine Begun Kane, a/k/a Mad Kane, has posted the results of her “TIPS Acronym Contest,” a challenge to her readers to more accurately rename the Bush administration’s proposed “Terrorism Information and Prevention System,” or “TIPS” program. Modest though I am, I’m proud to say my entry -- “Totalitarian Incentives for Prying and Spying” -- was included among the top five entries as judged by the consistently witty and wise Kane. However, I’m quick to add that most of the entries that earned Honorable Mentions are, in my humble opinion, at least as amusing, albeit frightening, as mine.
So many funny people out there . . . I’ve got to start working on my act again. The funeral for Samantha Runnion, the five-year-old Orange County, Calif., girl who was kidnapped on July 16 and sexually assaulted and killed within 24 hours of her disappearance, was held on the night of Wednesday, July 24. The very next day, Thursday, July 25, Miss Runnion’s mother, Erin Runnion, appeared on “Larry King Live,” the CNN program hosted by the persistently annoying and repeatedly divorced Larry King. Here’s how the show was promoted by CNN: “9:00 p.m. Larry King Live: An emotional hour with Samantha Runnion’s mother Erin, speaking out on the kidnapping and murder of her only daughter.” Okay, so it’s been more than a week since Mrs. Runnion learned of her daughter’s death, but she’s already going on national television to talk about it? I don’t have children, so maybe my expectations are distorted, but I truly believe that if something like this happened to my child I would still be in bed, all but lifeless, staring at the ceiling, unable to speak, to eat, or to face another human being. An interview with the goonish and ghoulish Larry King would be the farthest thing from my mind.
Is this how Americans grieve today? Have we no sense of privacy or personal space? Can no one resist the lure of the camera? July 25, 2002
Be sure to stop by HorowitzWatch and enter the “Name That Punishment Contest.” The contest offers four great prizes for readers who submit the best hypothetical, yet appropriate punishments for the treason committed by hypersensitive current (right-wing) and former (left-wing) radical and self-confessed traitor David Horowitz in 1972.
Come join the fun. Today, July 25, is the day to celebrate: Republic Day, commemorating the end of the Tunisian monarchy and the establishment of a republic in 1957. Celebrated in Tunisia.
 Flag of Tunisia Guanacaste Day, commemorating the annexation of Guanacaste Bay. Celebrated in Costa Rica. Day of Papa Ogou. The feast of St. Jacques le Majeur. Goats and sheep are sacrificed. Celebrated in Haiti. Feast of St. James the Greater, brother of St. John the Apostle and possibly a cousin of Jesus, the first apostle to be martyred -- stabbed by King Herod Agrippa. The patron saint of Spain, Chile, Guatemala, arthritis patients, equestrians, furriers, pharmacists, and veterinarians. Celebrated in the Catholic Church.
Feast of St. Christopher, third-century Christian martyr. The patron saint of travelers, drivers, bachelors, sailors, and truckers. Celebrated in the Catholic Church. July 24, 2002
Today, July 24, is the day to celebrate: Simon Bolivar Day, on the date of his birth, in honor of the general who led his armies to victories over Spanish colonialists leading to the independence of Bolivia, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, and Venezuela. Celebrated in much of northern South American, but particularly Ecuador and Venezuela. Pioneer Day, in recognition of the Mormon settlers’ establishment of Salt Lake City, Utah, in 1844. Celebrated in Utah, particularly among the Mormon population of the state. Feast of St. Christina of Bolsena, third-century Christian martyr who survived an attempted murder by her father and ultimately was killed by order of Diocletian. Celebrated in the Catholic Church.
 St. Christina July 23, 2002
A new site, SmarterAndrewSullivan, nabs Andrew Sullivan for an odd attack the bitter Brit recently launched upon former Democratic presidential candidate Gary Hart regarding the latter’s professed interest in reading Homer in the original Greek. Here’s Sullivan in his second visit to the same non-issue:
“ALL GREEK TO HART: Several of you emailed to let me know that Gary Hart is not only a poseur, he’s not even a reader of ‘classical Greek.’ Here’s the gist: Anyone who knows ancient Greek and its literature would not refer to Homer’s Greek as ‘classical’, which generally designates the normative Attic dialect of Athens circa the 4th Century B.C. . . .” So based upon this statement are we all supposed to believe or assume that “anyone who knows ancient Greek and its literature” includes Sullivan? I’m not buying it. SmarterAndrewSullivan had a dead-on response to the same passage: “Well, when exactly did Gary Hart say he can read classical Greek? The answer: Never.”
But that’s Sullivan . . . Knocking down straw men, guns blazing. Geez, it was hot here again today. I’ve really just about had it. I would be interested in hearing the experiences of Americans who may have, at one point or another, picked up and moved to a colder climate overseas. More specifically, I’m interested in stories from Americans who are living, or have lived, in Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, or Iceland. And throw in the Netherlands just for fun. If you would like, send your thoughts to |||trr|||: trrtrr@earthlink.net
Your responses will be considered personal and not for publication unless otherwise specified. What’s with the shirt Tucker Carlson is wearing on “Crossfire” tonight? Tucker, this is a Life Lesson: There is a world beyond Brooks Brothers.
And can’t this guy get a haircut on a regular basis? Or at least comb it? July 22, 2002
Even if you don’t understand Dutch, swing by Radio Nederland some time and listen to “Het Laatste Nieuws” (“The Latest News”). The webcast runs about eight or ten minutes, depending upon the day’s news flow. The show is updated every half hour. The show begins with an introduction by the anchor, followed by the real kicker -- a brief message from the secondary announcer, which must be taped because it’s the same voice on each webcast. This guy is sort of like the Don Pardo of Amsterdam, I guess, but he sounds like something straight off “The Simpsons.”
Maybe it’s not that funny, but I laugh every time I listen to it. If you’re not reading the “Voice of the People” in the New York Daily News, you’re missing out on what is probably the best running commentary on the state of the nation. I call it my “Daily Dose of Insanity,” though I have to admit I’ve been published there two or three times, being a cranky New Yorker myself.
(Unfortunately, the URL changes every day, so it’s best to start at “Ideas & Opinions” and then jump to “Voice of the People.”) “New Yorkers Not Happy With Rebuilding Proposals.”
Alert the media. Vigilence or psychosis? You decide.
(Thanks to Eschaton for the, uh, heads up on this one.)
I only realized today that Katie Couric’s interview of Ann Coulter is available online. Eleven minutes! Note Coulter’s affection for the word astonishing in its various forms.
Damn. I also missed “Superstar,” the film about Karen Carpenter that used Barbie® dolls to portray the main characters. They shut that film down, too. In Finnish, “Minä tapaan sinut huomenna” means “I’ll see you tomorrow,” whereas “Minä tapan sinut huomenna” means “I’ll kill you tomorrow.” Oh...okay.
Yikes. Better not get that one wrong. Forget to extend just one syllable and you’re up on an assault charge. Picking up Ann Coulter? You mean picking up “picking up”?
I know, the mind reels, but at least someone has made a fun game out of this very absurd notion. July 21, 2002
Promises, Promises, and Stating the Obvious Promises, promises . . . “I’m gonna [sic] lay off the Times for a while.” Andrew Sullivan, “The Daily Dish,” July 20, 2002. Stating the obvious . . . “Enough’s enough.”
Sullivan, ibid. “With $20,000 of his own and $40,000 borrowed from friends, Steven Stolman opened a shop in Southampton in 1995 based more or less on the idea that well-to-do inhabitants of the East End of Long Island would want to leave their homes looking like their sofas.”
Turns out it was a great hunch. “Spain was attacked by force in a very sensitive part of its geography.”
Spain's Secretary of Defense Federico Trillo in the New York Times, discussing the recent ruckus over a small island between Spain and Morocco. |
